The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Yesterday was the birthday of my first child, a boy. His birth changed everything for me. I was no longer a teenage with nothing on my mind other than friends at school or how many new books I wanted to read. Marriage had already changed much of that, of course. But being in the family way as the older folks used to say back when the word pregnant was not quite accepted in mixed company, means that sooner or later (and you generally hope sooner during those last weeks) that baby is going to be born and make you a mother. I was very young when I transformed into a teen mother. Only seventeen when my son was born. But age doesn’t make a mother. It may make a more mature mother, but a baby makes a mother.
I was actually a mother from the very first moment I knew my baby was growing inside me. I didn’t know then that baby would be a boy since they hadn’t come up with those machines that let couples know boy or girl long before they hold the baby in their arms. In those days, prospective parents brainstormed for boy and girl names to have one ready. Now expectant moms and dads start calling their babies whatever name they’ve settled on when the baby is still months from being in their arms.
There was always plenty of conjecture on whether you would have a boy or a girl. Some people claimed if you were carrying the baby high, it would be a girl. Low, a boy. Others even tried some kind of trick to find out with something, a coin or whatever, tied to a string. Then somebody would suspend the string over the belly of the mother-to-be. If the coin swayed back and forth it meant one sex and if it swung up and down the other. I don’t remember which was which or whether it ever accurately predicted the baby’s sex. I guess it had a fifty fifty chance of being right. But back then to really find out the baby’s sex, a mother had to wait until the doctor said those sweet words, “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl” as you heard the first warbling cry of your baby.
But while I was ready to hold my baby, I do remember trepidation at the thought of the birthing. I didn’t know what to expect and I was scared of that unknown. When the first labor pains started, I went to my doctor who told me to wait awhile before heading for the hospital. First babies take a while, he said. So I waited with no idea of how to judge when that right time to go would be. Thank goodness my mother was with us to give advice and with my husband worrying more with each minute that passed, we finally headed to the hospital. At that point, I was ready to back out of the whole thing or at least wait till morning. But one thing sure, you can’t back out of having a baby or put it off when it’s time.
And it was time. While the nurses and doctor thought it would be a while, my baby said he didn’t want to wait to discover the wonders of the world. A few hours after I got to the hospital, my son was ready to make his entrance into the world. I still remember my first look at him. He was crying, not happy with the rude bright lights of the world, but he was beautiful. And he made me a mother. Once you take on that title, it sticks. Forever. Your kids go from babies to toddlers to teens to adults, but you never stop being a mother.
Even years after those kids have left home and have their own families, you don’t stop being a mother. A different kind of mother for sure since you often have to lend help and support from a distance. You still want to give advice but sometimes you have to stop yourself from giving unwanted advice. But you keep on rejoicing in your children’s triumphs, grieving over their sorrows, hoping for their futures, and loving them no matter how long it’s been since they were that baby in your arms. And of course, remembering them in prayer.
I am so blessed to be a mother and now a grandmother too. So, happy birthday to my son and happy new mother’s day to me. It’s been a while. My son has five of his own children now, one of them already married and another getting ready to go off to college. The years seem to go by faster and faster. But no matter how many years go by, I’ll never forget the sweet sound of my first baby’s cry which let me know he had made the journey out into the world with plenty of lung power. A good thing.
Thanks for reading.
If you have children, what do you remember about becoming a mother for the first time?